Here's mine:

There once was a man from Calcutta
Who coated his tonsils with buttah
Reducing his snore
From a thunderous roar
To a soft, oleaginous muttah

Dave

Try not to become a man of success, but rather try to become a man of value -- Albert Einstein

Here's another one:

There was a young lady named Bright
Whose speed was much faster than light
She departed one day
In a relative way
And returned on the previous night

Dave

Try not to become a man of success, but rather try to become a man of value -- Albert Einstein

Eight interns decend on DC
Matt, Heather, Christen, & KB
Joe, Brett and Allison
Now I'm forgetting one
Oh Yes, and Anthony

Lame!

-al

During x-mas, the towns come alive
With people who forget how to drive
We go to the mall
Soon sick of it all
and can't wait for 2005!

-al

In lab I worked without rest
to craft a circuit to test.
It's voltage was strong,
the droop was not long,
but smoke made significant mess!

There once was an old guy named White,
who aspired, a fine lim'rick, to write,
but his brain was o'erflowing
with things not worth knowing,
extruding the self-referential and trite.

NSF Program Director (on assignment from the AIP and the Society of Physics Students to serve as the Robert Noyce Scholarship Program Director at the National Science Foundation)

The Strong Force, all cocky and proud
Approached Gravity, yelling out loud:
"I'm stronger than you!"
Said Grav: "Maybe that's true
but at length I am more well-endowed."

Young Heisenberg, tired from math,
filled his bathtub to take a warm bath.
But whenever he tried
to get fully inside
Uncertainty muddled his path.

A photon was issued a fine
For traveling in a straight line.
Said the cop to the light:
"Sir, don't put up a fight.
You drove right past the 'Wave Ahead' sign."

My chapter-mates are resisting registering to post their own, so here's two from James, procrastinating studying for our electronics final tomorrow:

There was this Student male
Who drank too much good ale
He went to the Exam
But forgetting to cram
Well, his grade rhymed with "Pale"

Which is source and which is drain?
Remembering's such a pain!
Is the middle the base?
Who can tell with this case?
Oh darn, there's the smoke again!

A young physics guy had his eyes
On the Nucleus "Poem Grand Prize."
So he wrote all he could
And he figured they should
At least give him some praise for his tries.

And these ones are on Josh's behalf.  The first was inspired by our mascot/slogan contest (the first line is a slogan that made it to the final round) and the last is lamenting the speed of the quarter system.

Mathematicians are tools
they do all that we do
they get used
used by you
as many good Physicists do

Making perturbations is fun
just one tug and your done
linear here
linear there
not linear after that one

Midterm back in one week
Midterm back in two weeks
put off again
again and again
it won't be back in ten weeks

No one believed the man Higgs
his pearls were thrown to the pigs
It does so have a mass!!
now find it you ass...
and we'll all be dancing some jigs

A German chap by name of Onestone
Was to fancy flights extremely prone
But then he came up with a brilliant thought
That Newton to his frail knees brought
And as "relativity" came to be known

Quantum, quantum, thou art small!
But thy power affects us all.
Won't you tell us who you are?
Or why your influence reaches far?
Pray tell us your side of an apple's fall

Heisenberg, Schroedinger, Bohr and Born
With Einstein about an issue were torn:
"Is our view complete or is it not?"
Back then, this issue was really hot
Though it cooled down, it's still forlorn


I'm affiliated with SPS at the University of Michigan

Are we really made of strings?
Or is this one of fancy's flings?
Lots of papers and calculations
But, calculations, schmalculations
What counts is the result nature brings

QED&QCD
GR just won't let them be
It's smooth and has no spooky action
Plus, wave functions cause no distraction
We must have missed a basic key

BTW I am affiliated with the Tufts University chapter.

The end of the year can only mean
An opportunity to once again glean
The accomplishments during this dying year
Some may not have completely lived up, I fear,
To the vision at this year's birth they had seen


Physics is like a big puzzle game
with rules and fun, it's never the same
Most people say it's too hard to learn
I grant, one must painstakingly earn
The right to be called "physicist" by name


The year of physics is 2005
What have you done to improve man's life?
100 years before it was that young lad
whom everyone (?) tries to follow like mad
But find your own path for which you should strive


Quantum, quantum on the wall,
What's your weirdest form of all?
Is it when you tunnel through?
Or when you with SR screw?
Your tale is true, but it seems tall

"People People help me
I did not memorize the formulae
Tomorrow I have an exam
I don't want to bam
And become a university expellee"


NB: Hope to Win

There was a physicist from Western Samoa
Whose hobby it was to play with his boa
One day he forgot to feed the beast
Because he was at a conference feast
When he came home, his last word was "Whoa..."

There was a physicist from New York City
Who was into chicks that are very pretty
With equations he tried to razzle them
And with jargon he tried to dazzle them
He did't get to touch, though, what rhymes with 'pity'

There was a physicist from Detroit
Who was a big fan of Sigmund Freud
He tried to psychoanalyze his formulae
To try to find complex odipae
But, sadly, got only his career destroyed

There was a physicist from Calcutta
Who had a very severe kind of stutta
Whenever he tried to give a talk
People at attending his talk would balk
So he just delivered his talk without a mutta

There was a physicist who was working at Yale
Who would always get more than a ton of mail
From crackpots, cranks and many a fellow
with a concept of reality as firm as jell-o
At least no one could track his own theory's trail

There was a physicist at MIT
Who would always insist on drinking ice tea
When asked why he would only drink that
He replied, straightfaced, and with a voice flat:
" It enhances the taste of my P.."

(howzabout a "grossest limerick" award category?)

There was a physicist determined to go
To Stockholm by invitation and fro
Day and night he worked very hard
And had in gaining new insights a big part
Alas, his epitaph read: "Life, you blow!"

There was a physicist who was at uMich
Who had before dying just one last wish:
"I wished I could epitomize transparency
and have a reach beyond what most people see."
So God turned him into a jellyfish

There was a physicist who was at uPenn
Who had not just one theory but ten
About how to combine QM with GR
In a way that we can say they consistent are
Sadly, each test forced him to go back again

E=mc^2
Says that matter and Energy are paired
Perhaps someone, somewhere might be leaning
Towards asking: "Could there be a deeper meaning
That has not yet been fully inferred?"

I'm from Hope College . . .

there once were young physicists three
who slept in their lab frequently
they were watched by an owl
can of spam, and a trowel
and subsisted solely on cheese

An electron from H planned a trip
through a tunnel to U he would zip
to feel the attraction
of protons in action
and see if his spin he could flip

A single charge q found a glass
and admired his image's class
he moved to and fro
in a satisfied glow
and said "you've potential, no mass!"

pendulum Bob flies through space
nonlinear dynamics he hates
he cannot cope
at the end of his rope
while students blame him for his pace

Thanks to all who entered - we are in the process of judging the entries, and should have results posted by the end of the week.

Dodge this.

As always, thanks to all who posted limericks!!  We'd like to announce the winners:

Chapter participation:  University of Michigan (19)

Most Humorous:  Zyxtan
Ramen really tastes great!
You really don't need a plate
at 39 cents..
barely an expense..
when on sale, buy them by the crate!

Best Physics-Themed:  Jordan
The Strong Force, all cocky and proud
Approached Gravity, yelling out loud:
"I'm stronger than you!"
Said Grav: "Maybe that's true
but at length I am more well-endowed."

Best Holiday-Themed:  Allyson
During x-mas, the towns come alive
With people who forget how to drive
We go to the mall
Soon sick of it all
and can't wait for 2005!

We'll be in touch with the winners for prize information and whatnot - thanks again to all for participating!!

Dodge this.