Werner Heisenberg was driving down the highway and a cop pulled him over.

The officer walked up to his window and asked, "Sir, do you know how FAST you were going?"

Heisenberg replied, "No, but I know where I am."

A hydrogen ion comes bursting into a police station and says, "You've gotta help me! Someone's stolen my electron!"

The officer on duty says, "Calm down now, are you SURE someone stole it?"

The hydrogen ion says, "I'm POSITIVE!"

Q: Two cats are on a slanted roof. Which one falls off first?
A: The one with the smaller "mu."

Researchers in the Antarctic research facility announced last week that they have discovered a superconductor which will operate at room temperature.

Chuck Norris knows his position and his velocity.